You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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