do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
