My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
