Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
