What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
And then he peed in my hair
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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