my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
