New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
