Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
