idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
