I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
