Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
