I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
