if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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