Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
