Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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