He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Porn is love you can see.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
