Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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