VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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