i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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