i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
