I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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