I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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