Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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