I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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