I'm so fucking centered right now
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
