I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
