Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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