How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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