please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
