I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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