So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize