I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i barfeds in our rink
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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