Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize