i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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