He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
