That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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