ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
