She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is Oprah even human
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
