It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
