Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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