The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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