You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
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he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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