the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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