Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
