My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
