it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
