Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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