Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
