you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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