Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
