I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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