I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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