youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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