you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
