But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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