he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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