you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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