Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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