girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
