i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
