i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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