she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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