I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
