At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
