they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
