Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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