He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I party with great urgency now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
