I faked an abortion last night.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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