I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
