My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize