Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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