i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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