Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
