You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
