okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
