I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
