it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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