When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
