There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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