Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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