maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
