You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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