It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
