We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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