I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
