remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
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Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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